I've had a selfish couple of days, and not in any good way. Ranch work is taking Jason away from me for about three weeks of the last six weeks or so we have here. Really. Right now, he's in LA, working for the boss and then driving the photo truck (belonging to said boss) back to Wyoming, arriving sometime on Wednesday. Having him gone is tough - I get lonely. Every bit of me wants to be there with him, getting a chance to see my family, my best friend, my goddaughter (and going to the DMV to renew my driver's license before it expires would be awesome). Plus, last night was the season casting for the Caroling Company - so I am officially not caroling this season. To top it off, I found out yesterday that Jason would now be driving the photo truck to New Hampshire at the beginning of October for a photo conference. What did I do? I cried. CRIED. Felt sorry for myself because A)I keep getting stuck here alone; B)I love the fall, and would love to make that drive with Jason through States I've never been to and maybe get to stop in Ann Arbor to see my Alma Mater; C)He'll miss our 1 year anniversary or my 29th birthday or both. I was pathetic. Selfish and inconsolable. A total hot mess.
(As a side note - Jason called me from LA today to tell me he spoke with the boss, and I get to make the drive to New Hampshire with Jason and then just fly back to Cody - so at least we'll get to celebrate our anniversary together! He will most likely miss my birthday though. Sad. I'll take the trip with him, though and be grateful for that!)
Man - sometimes I get so wrapped up in me,me,me that I can't even breathe. Or I break into tears about something that is actually trivial. That's one of the problems with me having so much time to THINK while I'm here.
It's amazing how God can put things in perspective. Enter the LoveBomb.
I opened up my inbox today, and found my weekly "LoveBomb" mission. First, let me tell you about LoveBombing. It's a team of people (of whom I am one) who weekly drop love notes and encouragement on the blog of someone who's going through a really tough time. Just so they know that they're not alone and forgotten, that there are others (strangers) out there in the big, wide world who care. Who are willing to send good thoughts, pray, and follow their journey. One week we bombed a guy who lost everything, who's trying to put his life back together by knitting the most precious teddy bears. Another week, a pair of sisters, one donating bone marrow so the other might have a chance at life.
More often than not, though, we drop LoveBombs on parents who have lost or are losing a child. A couple I know lost their precious son last December, and as I have followed their story I've seen how incredible the internet can be for connecting parents who have experienced the same as a kind of support network. I don't think any of us who have never experienced that kind of pain can even fathom their grief, and most of us don't know what we should say.
But sometimes, I think, just hearing that someone, some stranger, has read the story of your child, is so sorry for your loss and is sending love and hugs and prayers across the country/world/cyberspace can make you feel like you're not alone. That you and your child haven't been forgotten.
And it sure as hell makes me remember that all the crap that I've been crying about is merely a pebble in my shoe. It puts everything in perspective.
If it's encouraging and supportive to someone I may never meet? That's the whole point. Because it's not about ME.
Want to get on the LoveBomb train? Click here to go to their webpage and sign up for the weekly emails. Bombs Away! And prepare to be moved and humbled.