Tuesday, February 3, 2015

"Writing in Pencil"

I'm supposed to be working on one of my last grad school application essays this morning, and I will get there, I promise I will.  But I just read something, and I need to share and unpack it in a way.

"Everything is interim. Everything is a path or a preparation for the next thing, and we never know what the next thing is.  Life is like that, of course, twisty and surprising.  But life with God is like that exponentially. We can dig in, make plans, write in stone, pretend we're not listening, but the voice of God has a way of being heard... it moves us to different countries and different emotional territories and different ways of living.  It keeps us moving and dancing and watching and never lets us drop down into a life set on cruise control or a life ruled by remote control.... full of flashes and last-minute exits and generally all the things we've said we'll never do." -Shauna Niequist, COLD TANGERINES "Writing in Pencil"

I HATE change. I truly do. For someone who hates change and uprooting and packing and unpacking as much as I have, I've moved a TON in my adult life, and they haven't been moves across the city.  First to Michigan, then back home, then around the country on several regional theatre gigs, then home again, then to Wyoming, then to Florida, and now to ______?  We're going, we think, but we don't know where.  Jason is planning to leave his very good job so I can get the MFA that we believe I'm supposed to have, and we still don't know where.  We have some idea, but the "where" isn't confirmed yet.  We don't know what Jason is going to do when we get there.  But we believe it's time to go, that the doors are opening, and that just as He did when we moved to Wyoming and Florida, God will provide.  As long as we have continued to go, God has continued to bless us.  That's absolutely a fact.  Each of these places has seemed temporary, an interim time, and the next one will be interim as well, I think.  Now that we've been at it a while, I'm coping better with the flexible nature of our journey.  But it still kind of sucks.  Then I remember the true remarkable uniqueness of each place we've been, and the incredible people that have come into our lives in these places, and I wouldn't change any of it for the world. Nor would I change the people and places that are to come, because I think that each stage (in some way) defines a piece of our character and our heart.

I gave up planning my life in indelible ink a while ago - everything that I "planned" has been marvelously, beautifully different.  Now, I plan in pencil, trusting that when the plan goes off the rails and I have to erase, that it will be so much better than I ever imagined.

So, here's to a good eraser, a spirit of adventure, and never getting too comfortable.  Bring it on.

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