Searching for my second wind.

So... I remember why I had stopped teaching for a while - in addition to a desperate need to perform, I sometimes give so much of myself that I feel like there's nothing left at the end of the day. It's creative burnout, and it doesn't happen when I'm able to perform for my income, but when I'm giving to others so that they may perform.

I know that working with teenagers is one of my gifts, and I love it, but there are times that are so exhausting and emotionally challenging that I wish I just had a normal job - or could be happy doing something that is "normal", steady, and that I didn't carry home with me at the end of every day.

These last two weeks have been absolutely insane - my schedule feels like it's thrown up on me, and juggling my multiple jobs, my boyfriend, family and friends has made me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. And that frustrates me, because I have a boyfriend who is SO understanding, patient and loving - he is a saint. Jason always knows exactly what to say and do to bring me back down to earth, or to put my day in perspective. I am so blessed, and resentful that the only times I've been able to see him in the last two weeks have been when I'm in partial or total meltdown.

This is not healthy. So, time to simplify a little bit. Wish me luck.

Good morning - High School Band, Orchestra and Choirs today

I taught "Zero" Period this morning, which starts at 7am. Yikes. I don't know how anyone actually teaches at 7am. And this was High School Band - and they had sectionals - which means I was deafened with a cacophony of crazy sound this morning. Oh man.

Anyhow, just wanted to share a conversation I had with a 17 year old boy, Muro, this morning (who is also dancing in the musical)

Muro - "Ms. Erin, do you know how to jerk?"

Me - "Show me."

(he demonstrates)

Me - "Probably."

Muro - "I bet you could. Ms. Erin gets DOWN!"

My boyfriend thinks my life is a circus... It baffles him. Personally, I love the unpredictability and how every day is different, but a regular bi-weekly paycheck would be nice. :)

Another reminder... had to share

So, I thought I had blogged for the day and would be done. Then there was this series of messages on Facebook from a student I worked with last year. We'll call her Tiffany*.

Before I share the messages, let me give some background. Last year, I was privileged to teach full-time at North High School in Torrance from March through June while the dance teacher was out on maternity leave. This was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life, but there were definitely some challenging moments. One was "Tiffany". She hated dance class with me. She was always so frustrated, couldn't understand why she didn't instantly get things, and one day - in a fit of frustration - told me "It doesn't matter anyways. I hate this class. I keep asking my counselor to transfer me out, but she won't do it! I'm going to ask her again!" To which, my little broken heart responded, "Hang in there. It will get easier. You can do it." And you know what? Somewhere along the line, it got easier for "Tiffany". Almost a year later, and she's still taking dance at North High School. Here are the posts she sent me today:

"Miss.Farrell your one amazing person you inspire me to do so much and you have helped me improve on my dancing. I love you and miss you! Your Amazing!"

My Response: "Awww! Darling! Thanks so much! Glad you're inspired. I just remember when you wanted out of that class last year. So glad that you've found your love for dance!

Her response: "yeah i mean for our dance final we had to make a 4 step ballet dance and we changed everything at last minute and performed today and it was worth 60 points and we got 58 points so i was really happy with my grade. Also Mrs.Johnson said that I have improved alot since last year when she saw me last and that was all because of you and I really do thank you so very much I would love to work with you some more deffinatly."

My Response: "that is AMAZING. So glad to hear it! I know for fact that I'll be in class at least a few times in the next couple of months. Hopefully we'll really get to actually do some technique!"

Her Response: "I would love that. I miss doing across the floor with you and you really do motivate me to do alot and I have made so much progress with your help I cant thank you enough. But maybe I can talk to my dad about some private lessons possibly?"

What an amazing transformation! I am SOOOO honored to have had a small part in her transformation. I post it here as encouragement. NEVER forget that as a teacher - even as a dance teacher - your encouragement can change a young life!

"Tiffany" - If you're reading this, I am so proud of you! Thanks for encouraging me in return!

Bless you, all you teachers out there! Keep fighting for the next generation!

A reminder of why I teach.

So, after a CRAZY week of teaching, this week has started off quieter. The problem is that I'm totally burned out on Substitute Teaching. Whenever I get to that moment of total burn out, I'm always reminded of why I choose to teach (theatre, dance, or even subbing) in the first place.

Tonight I went to teach an acting class completely exhausted, and as I started their warm-up I remembered that the way I feel is the way I CHOOSE to feel. So if I want to feel sorry for myself for being tired, I will feel tired. I managed to get it together, caught my second wind and had an AWESOME acting class today. One of my students, Johnny* (age 11), moved to the United States from Austria six months ago. When he moved, he knew only a little bit of English, and he now speaks it fluently. When he got up to perform a monologue, with his sweet little accent, I was just blown away! Yes, he's got a long way to go, but this young man has come from understanding very little English to standing alone on a stage in an acting class with strangers! How marvelous! Just another little reminder that even seemingly insurmountable obstacles can be overcome.

Have a wonderful night, whoever you are, reader!

*Names changed to protect the privacy of minors.